Your relationship with your partner is the central hub from which your child’s experience of family flows. When you relationship is solid and there is communication, deep love, respect, openness co-operation and playfulness between you and your partner, even if your parenting skills are lacking your kids will be just fine. If you have the perfect parenting techniques down pact but your relationship with your partner is strained, inauthentic, non- communicative, judgmental, tempermental and where love is conditional, you will find that your children will not benefit as hoped from your skills and techniques. Why is that? Becasue this is a feeling universe and your children are feeling what is going on and are deeply affected by it. Words take a back seat here. Tools and techniques are overshadowed by the “theme” of your partnership. What kind of environment would it take for your child to thrive in? Environment includes energy. Your relationship is the foundation upon which your children stand – is it made of concrete or sand?

Here are some steps you can take to move out of conflict and into resolution:

1) Sit down with your partner and talk about what is important to both of you. On separate sheets of paper write down what values you would like to instill in your child(ren). Also, write down what areas you would like to work on with your child(ren).

For example: ” I would like to help our child(ren) listen more attentively,” or “I would like to work on teaching our child(ren) how to cooperate more effectively.”

2) Talk with your partner about what environment your kids need to grow up believing that they can achieve their dreams. What do your kids need from you to create so that they know what a successful relationship looks like. What do your kids need you to be to each other so they want to follow your lead?

3) Each of you write down on a piece of paper what you appreciate about each other authentically. Make a habit of practicing to notice these points on a daily basis.

4) make a commitment to each other to do what you need to do to ensure that your relationship is reflecting the core values you want to instill in your kids. Seek coaching or therapy if you need support.

This is a very long conversation and I will be addressing this in detail in my new upcoming membership site where I will be offering parenting courses, tips and strategies to support parents in the most difficult job of thier lives.

You are doing the very best that you can with what you have. After having coached hundreds of people – it is very clear that underneath all human “misbehavior” is a need that longs to be addressed and /or healed. Even parents have meltdowns, for good reason :) My job is to support you with all the guidance and nurturance that you need to thrive.

Melinda Asztalos is a parent coach, speaker, author and the founder of Life Positive by Design. She assists parents through a conscious parenting process that enables them to achieve and sustain, positive solutions to their specific parenting challenges. For more information, Please visit: http://lifepositivebydesign.com
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