Have you ever caught yourself saying something  to your child and remarking to yourself, “That sounded exactly like my mom (my dad)”.  Sometimes this is followed by a chuckle because we are reflecting the comfort and nurturing that we have experienced from the way that we were parented, other times we are mortified because we’ve repeated a way of being that we swore as young adults, we would never adopt.

Right or wrong, good or bad is a lot less important than becoming aware of unconscious patterns. The more aware we become the easier it gets to make choices in the momentthat reflect who we want to be.

When we parent unconsciously, we are parenting in “reactive” mode. When “hot” buttons are pushed that cause parents to either react intensely or to withdraw completely, there is an indication here that there is a potential for growth present. Your child has just helped you to identify a pattern or an issue that brings forward something that is important or painful or both.

I remember telling my daughter one Friday evening as we were grocery shopping that I would be going to a seminar on the following Saturday and that her favorite babysitter would be with her for most of the afternoon. My daughter paused, then looked at me with tears in her eyes and in the most heartbreaking little voice she told me that she was feeling very sad because she missed me and she just wanted to be with mommy – then she began to cry softly. I got down on my hands and knees in the parking lot and looked her in the eye and I could feel my entire being become overwhelmed with pity and empathy and I felt a deeply distraught feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I pulled myself together in that moment and made a conscious choice to be fully present in the moment. I recognized, painfully, in that very moment, I was on the verge of projecting one of my childhood experiences onto my daughter, seeing her as myself feeling alone, scared and vulnerable. I decided to pull back on the emotional onslaught and simply to relate to this child in front of me, dealing with this situation, in this moment.

I proceeded to mirror what she was expressing so that she would know that I was listening, I then validated her feelings and we proceeded to find a way to climb up the emotional ladder together by recognizing that we were together in the moment and that we would not waste this moment with unhappy thoughts of the “projected” future.

Gradually, my daughter eased out of her sadness and fear and we had a really great evening, not to mention she had a fabulous time with the babysitter the next day.

Our feelings are our most sophisticated guidance sensors. If we can stop in the moment and pay attention to our feelings, we can become aware of what we are creating in any given moment. Being in alignment with the positive things that we wish to have or achieve means that we need to generate positive feelings that allow the receiving of that which we would like to manifest. Creating habitual patterns within your family dynamic that resonate with peace, joy, love or exhiliration, places you and your family in alignment with your natural state of being.

Practicing conscious behavior and recognizing patterns that present a golden opportunity for growth, will naturally bring about a gradual state of expanding consciousness. The more that your consciousness expands and the more you practice becoming aligned with the harmony, peace,love, joy, etc. that you desire, the faster you will understand the power that you have, that is deliberate and joyous creation as opposed to creating randomly by default.

Whether we believe it or not, accept it or not,  like it or not, we are the creators of our experience. We are the creators of that which we call our life situations. What is it that we are focusing our attention on? That which we desire or the lack of it? What are our dominant thoughts?

When our buttons are being pushed, what is the drama that takes place inside of us? Who are we relating to? Are we in the moment or is there something in the background that we are trying so hard to defend or justify?

Our beautiful, precious children have “something on us” that other people in our lives do not. The ability to push our buttons like no one else. We can choose to see this as a tremendous opportunity for growth and healing. The next time you hear yourself  saying something your mom (or dad) would say that does not please you, smile to yourself with love and forgiveness and embrace the opportunity in front of you.

Melinda Asztalos is a parent coach, speaker, author and the founder of Life Positive by Design. She assists parents through a conscious parenting process that enables them to achieve and sustain, positive solutions to their specific parenting challenges. For more information, Please visit: http://lifepositivebydesign.com
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